i am filled with emotion regarding my decision to possibly accept a position that will have me working again, although part time. the emotion i feel comes from many directions; “can I work and still be there for my children?”, “do i have the will to do both jobs?”, “i haven’t done my best so maybe i should try harder before going back to work”, etc…etc…
i also think of time in a more positive way that my going back to work will make me appreciate even more the time I get to spend with my kids AND because it is only part time i will still have many hours of quality time with them.
i believe in life that timing is no accident. the things that come our way are doors and we choose whether to go through the door or to shut it. this job opportunity might be the door i need to go through. i have dreams, i have goals and if i am willing to open up and be more aware of my life and what it brings i might just see the synchronicity of life.
I was reading a blog post recently from Otto von Münchow called Patiently Painting Walls. It really hit home for me. I was struggling with my own insecurities of no longer working with a non-profit organization I have grown to love. I started with this organization with little to no experience with photography. I had a relationship with a person at this organization who felt something when she saw my photos and encouraged me to explore it. Through conversation I soon became the volunteer photographer for this non-profit.
Recently, however, the board of directors have elected to not have me volunteer anymore and are moving in the direction of putting the photography services out to bid. I am an artist so immediately this brought out all sorts of insecurities in me. I had to challenged myself to sit down and look at what I was being presented with, what they were telling me instead of looking at all of the negative self talk I am accustomed to. This negative self talk can often be my safe place to go. Can you believe that? Negative self talk is my safe place? My comfort zone? Ridiculous isn’t it? Well, fortunately Otto’s blog post came along at just the right time. It wasn’t just his post but one of the comments that really struck me; “I guess it’s important in creativity, photography or any other pursuit that you stick with it. I remember when I was doing martial arts that there were a few people who started around the same time as me, but didn’t train as often, or as hard, and then disappeared, only to come back a few months later. Sure enough, their skill level was way below mine, and their lack of practice meant a lack of progress and soon they quit. They didn’t have the guts or the patience to stick with it, even though they were surrounded by people at the gym who were local and national champions to inspire and coach them. I’m too old and too injured now to train, photography is far safer, but the lesson I took from martial arts is that there are no shortcuts in any activity worth pursuing!” This comment was important to me because one of the negative things I tell myself is “give up, this photography thing isn’t really for you”.
I now am looking at this with appreciation. I am challenging myself to continue my education, I am trying to find away to attend a challenging workshop that is my dream, AND I am reflecting on the appreciation and gratitude I have for this non-profit organization. If I hadn’t had the opportunity to work for them I wouldn’t have the wonderful relationships with the many incredible staff and their clients that I do and it was because of the work that I did that has provided me with the photography path I want to pursue. I also have to remember that I brought some pretty great things to this organization. I gave them photos. They never had their own photos before and this was a gift I presented to them. I also came up with the idea to have a video showing the work they do at their annual fundraising luncheon. This has become an annual thing for them and it was an idea I presented. Things happen for a reason and although we do not see it at this moment we will soon. Each experience we have is a stepping stone to more incredible opportunities to come.
These photos are some of the wonderful clients I met while volunteering my time.
Who knew that when I signed up for an online course I would meet a friend, not someone in passing, a true friend. We met in the the private FB group for the class and became fast friends. We corresponded first through FB and now by email and soon, I hope, by mail. She really inspires me through her life, her love of photography and her heart. When I write to her I feel as if I’ve known her a life time. When I see an email come in from her I get so excited. I feel like a young girl again getting a letter from my pen pal. I have the desire to run home, into my room and close my door so I can absorb what she has to say without interruption. We have recently started sharing photos with each other. A slice of life that isn’t so much about the technical side of the photo but instead something that comes from our heart. The photo represents a memory to us, a piece that shares a little story about who we are. We do this in our emails and I love it. These photos are an important part of our emails because, you see, we live in different countries and have never met.
I was inspired by this article in Huffington Post today and this quote really inspired me; “If you haven’t been experiencing synchronicity, ask yourself what you need to let go of to experience more flow and freedom in your life. Simply making the intention to experience more synchronicity can start the flow. …
The more you are in your flow, listening deeply to your next steps and following your intuition, the greater your capacity becomes for realizing your true potential. When you live your true path, you will know by the synchronicities that happen in your life. Your life becomes a sacred dance with the universe, leading you to your true purpose and destiny.”
I am finding the more I am aware of my environment and really see and listen to what is going on I realize that things are coming about just as I need them. I am going to start my day and ask myself “what do I need to let go of to experience more flow and freedom in my life”. I look forward to sharing my experiences.