This month we say good bye to our terrific neighbors, Annie and Bill. We’ve only been neighbors for a few years and have become good friends in that short period of time. As I reflect on their time here I realize how my children have grown up with them. Lola wasn’t even a year old when they moved in and now when I look at her and how she’s grown I realize how Annie, Bill and Ava have become a part of our family too.
I’ve watched them create a beautiful home, start a family and be warm and thoughtful neighbors. My kids adore them and my youngest has a crush on Bill. I love to hear Lola scream Bill, Bill, Bill….when she spots Bill outside. I also love the way she sings Happy Birthday to Bill in the house when she thinks no one is listening to her. Jordi can go on for, what seems like, hours explaining to Annie and Bill about some new toy he has and they patiently smile and acknowledge him.
Our neighbors are moving on to Colorado. It is a very sad time and yet we wish them success and happiness and look forward to when we can visit them.
Good bye Annie, Bill, Ava and Lars. We will miss you!
definition: accomplished aim; resolution; determination; intention; full of meaning; a reason for.
i read something recently that talked about “purpose”. the article asked questions like; “what is the purpose?” ” what is the desired outcome?” “am I being honest with myself?”…. this made me think about my life and my dreams. it also made me reflect on what holds me back…”fear”. i’m consumed by my thoughts of fear; fear in pursuing my dreams and fear in accomplishing my goals. And, at the same time, i recognized if i challenged that fear in me, use it to motivate me, my dreams will come true and probably even greater than I could ever imagine. as i get older i try to look at fear in a different way. my old habit is to run away so am trying to form new habits of pushing through this fear and treating it more like a obstacle to push past.
I did that recently when i approached a photographer i’ve admired and asked if he’d be willing to do a one on one workshop. he said yes. wow, that was easy. i was so excited until the day came to meet, my first session with him. i was struck with fear. i almost didn’t go. i started thinking of excuses to cancel this workshop. my fears manifested in negative thoughts telling me I was wasting his time, I wasn’t good enough etc.. started to flood my head. i was on the verge of tears. i had a good friend visiting me and shared with her what was going on. she was compassionate to my feelings while at the same time pushed me into going by reminding me, with my own words, about why i wanted to do this workshop. I am so glad she did. it was GREAT! my biggest accomplishment that day was just showing up. what i learned that day was immeasurable. it was just what i needed to hear the and timing couldn’t have been better. what is also interesting is the information i learned in that class not only taught me a lot about myself as a photographer, but about myself in general. it was quite enlightening. it is amazing how this was a much bigger life lesson than i had imagined or anticipated.
at the end of class i was given an assignment. i felt fear sweep through my body. i knew this assignment would be challenging for me. i was encouraged to do a bit of street photography and to get up and close with the subjects. get into the scene. i chose a street scene and a social gathering in which to do this assignment. i actually thought the social gathering would be a bit easier because i knew the people. both proved to be quite challenging. i not only felt the fear but also felt so emotional as if i could cry at any moment. i not only had to deal with fear in doing the assignment but also felt my creative drive had somehow disappeared. it was as if my creative side had been drained from my body. i had no idea what to do. again, the negative emotions flooded my body and it was all i could do to not burst into tears. what were these fears? most were the fear of failure and feeling inadequate. again, i wanted to give up. once again, i found myself trying to push aside the fear and to just do the assignment. it was not great work and yet I learned a lot from it. it was great to discuss this at my second workshop session. i knew my work wasn’t great but hearing the feedback had me understanding why, encouragement on ways to improve on it and had me reflecting on how I felt during these assignments so that i, personally, know what i can do to improve them. it will take some time and i will be out once again pushing through my fears because i know this is the road i must travel.
so, as i look back at “purpose” i am reminded that my fears are my NOT being honest with myself and that in order to achieve my desired outcome i must not listen to the fears and let them hold me back and instead focus on the outcome. by doing so i will find my “purpose”.
as a new year approaches we spend time reflecting on the year past and with hope the next year will be better than the last. for me, 2012 was a year of change. change that brought excitement in my life, change that brought sorrow. I don’t look back on 2012 with regrets, instead I remember the joy,cry through the pain and look forward to the many new changes 2013 will bring.
satya is the word of the month at my yoga studio, the samarya center. translated the word means “truthfulness” or “to be”. as we discuss this word at the beginning of each class i understand it to mean finding truth in the moment.
often i find that we live in our minds and when we do that we are not living truthfully. our minds fill us with judgements and storytellling that come from our own life condition. if we are feeling happy our mind is filled with happy stories and if we are feeling upset or sad our mind is coming from that feeling. either way those thoughts may not be coming from truth. truth is found in the moment, the “what is” or that feeling of “to be”. what is going on around me right at that very moment. i believe that is satya.
so right now i am working on satya. as the new year has come to end so has some things in my life. instead of letting my mind create fictional stories about these endings, i am working on truthfulness and being in the moment. having appreciation and gratitude for 2012 is how I am moving on into 2013.
leaving you with words that inspired me recently. Happy New Year!
May you not spend too much time wondering why things had to end. If you must wonder at all, please wonder about what awesome delight will come to fill this now empty space. ~Karen Salmansohn
Today was nothing more than enjoying time with family and a lovely gift from an awesome neighbor. This time of year can seem overwhelming so I often find it is the simple pleasures that bring me the most enjoyment in life.