I stopped to pick up some supplies for a wedding I am photographing on Saturday and stumbled across this cool space, courtyard.  It happened to be a project I worked on just before quitting my job to start a new life as a stay at home mom.  This was a fun project to work on (design by GGN) and a great project to end with but all in all I was very, VERY, happy to leave my job.  I was no longer happy in my job and longed for something new so felt that being a stay at home mom would offer me many new opportunities what I didn’t think about was the many new struggles that would come along too.

I had this wonderful dream of becoming a stay at home mom, bonding with my children, cooking with them, being crafty with them and all sorts of other wonderful things I see by moms on FB, blogs and other places.  Aaah, blissful right?  Maybe.  I take photos hiking with my kids, hanging out with them at the lake and today was going to take a photo of them helping with cookies it’s what I DON”T post that tells the story, the real story.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my children but let’s be real, it isn’t what you see in social media and you can’t predict what you will learn about yourself.  Me?  Well, I find that when I am feeling a little chaotic and out of control (hmm..every day life with kids) I want my house clean.  It makes me feel a little in control and it feels good the crazy thing is there is no such thing as a clean house with 2 young children.  I clean up one area and another gets dirty it is a never ending cycle.  I also realize I yell.   Now, I don’t want to yell it is just something about me that comes out.  I want to be that calm, in control mom I see but nope, I’m the yeller.  I am not that perfect parent I envisioned and the more I try to be that perfect parent the more stressed I become.  I could compare myself all day to other moms and feel really bad about myself or I can, instead, look at all of those great qualities about me.  I may not be the craftiest of moms, I may not be the calmest of moms, I am a mom that loves my kids and tells them that every day.

Life isn’t always bliss, if offers us struggles too and it is these struggles that provide us an opportunity to grow and learn.  I wanted to share a bit about myself because I don’t want to send the message that life is perfect and, instead, want to share some of the struggles I’ve had because this is where I’ve learned  so much about myself and I wouldn’t be having so many great things in my life if I didn’t.  Now I cry a lot but I am finding even more things that make me smile and laugh.

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