Archive for ‘April, 2012’

I am photographing the wedding this summer and feel that the day of photos always feel a little shy of details.  There are more memories of the big day in the events that lead up to it.  My client feels the same way and has me photographing a feel important moments prior to the big day.  Yesterday was Lillian’s day.  Lillian’s mom feels the wedding day is more about Lillian than anyone else.  Lillian, her mom and her nan enjoyed a girls day; brunch and then off to try on and pick out a dress for the wedding!  Here are some highlights..

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I am a week behind in my creating Time Capsules class.  My assignment is to create a video.   We are encouraged to create our video regarding something personal.  This Time Capsule class, as I’ve commented before, has stirred up so much emotion for me because I feel it is my way to tackle some personal thoughts I have about myself, mainly my body image and weight.  I am so insecure with these things about myself that I prefer to be unseen.  I don’t like attention drawn to myself and find the greatest comfort when I can be in my own home, alone.  I don’t want to be this way.  I want to be comfortable in my own skin.  The way for me to tackle this is to chant and to put myself out there.  Overcome this area of vulnerability in me.  I decided I would make my video around my issue with my weight.  Not easy.  Today I took some photo’s and a short video.  Now I just have to edit them and share them with my class.  Not easy.

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this adventure into self-portraiture has me thinking more and more of my need to be a part of my Postpartum Mood Disorder project.  At first I thought my introducing the project was enough and now feel that it is going to be more than that.  I am trying out some different poses, using myself as the subject, and hope to include an image into the project.  I feel that will be the easy part.  The audio is going to be my challenge.  I keep running from this which is my clue I need to tackle it head on.  Challenge my fears…

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A friend invited me to the Old Rainier Brewery art walk this past Saturday.  I haven’t been on an art walk in what seems like years.  I was so excited.  I live so close to the Old Rainier Brewery and yet have never been nor did I even know they had an art walk.  This building is an eclectic paradise of artists who all live|work in the space.  We saw live Capoeira performances,  live music, a Hello Kitty piñata that was hooked up to sound equipment so that when you touched Hello Kitty she made some odd sound.  I love interactive art.  Such a nice change from my normal routine.  I was even able to get a self portrait of myself in the restroom.  How artsy.  

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I have decided to use my blog as a way to deal with my own issues of my appearance, my body issues, and overall the things I struggle with in life.  It’s not meant to be a depressing place to visit instead it is a place that I am using to overcome my own vulnerabilities and shame to empower myself.  I hope that this becomes an joyful journey not some dredging one.  I am going to do self portraits.  This in itself is a struggle because I have to deal with my own perfectionism and yet I look forward to watching my photography, my art, truly develop.  Today I challenged myself with self-portraits.  None of them are great, constructively.  And, if I hadn’t decided on this challenge there would be NO way I would share these but…this is the journey I chose.  (hopefully I will learn to write in this process)

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I had to start this post over a billion times (no, not literally).  I find that the things we do and say are based on the expected response.  I found myself not wanting to be me, to be true, and instead to post something I feel you want me to be.  Well, this is my life…raw.  I will have to overcome my own vulnerability and shame as I struggle to keep this blog real.

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I struggle with body issues, Postpartum Mood Disorder and the isolation of being a stay-at-home mom.  I am going to challenge my own vulnerability and the feelings I have of shame by creating a video of my life.  I am currently working on a photo project around Postpartum Mood Disorder but feel the story needs to start with my own experience.  This project will be very challenging and emotional in so many ways but I feel so inspired by a woman in my Time Capsule class and Jen Davis and the personal stories they’ve shared.  This photo, below, was a self portrait taken at a time when I felt the most vulnerable.  I did this for my photography class and had a very challenging time sharing it and felt that I would never share it again but find this is a perfect first step towards my new project…

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I am taking an e-course on how to create time capsules.  I was inspired by the beautiful moments created by photographer Xanthe Berkley so I signed up for her Time Capsule e-course.  Wow, what a challenge this is.  I, once again, had to reflect on who I am creating my work for.  I find these classes are venues for me to dig a little deeper into my soul, my karma, and find that I struggle with trying to create something for someone else and seeking approval for that work instead of making my work for me.  Once I make this realization and let it go, I find that my own art, my own work comes through.  My first attempt at creating a slideshow in her class is not great but it is by far better than what I started with.  I finally let go of being “perfect” and enjoyed the learning; that is why I am taking this class, right?  Below are some photo’s from the video and here you can find the video.

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